today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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