yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
