The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
