Soap is not a condiment
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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