she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
