3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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