I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
