so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
