I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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