Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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