Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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