I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
