Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
