these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
