She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
