Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
