well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
