Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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