A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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