You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
