Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
