no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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