im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
