Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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