Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
