Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
