It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
