win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Two words: blizzard sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
