I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
