he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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