Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
