what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
