I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
