i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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