So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
