i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
