I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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