Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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