Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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