Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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