I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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