dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
