were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
