ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i came on her dog
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
