i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
