i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
