so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
