I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
