we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize