do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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