I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
