i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
