3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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