If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
