My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
