fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
