we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
