I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
