my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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