Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
