I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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