I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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