Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
