I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
