Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
