atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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