all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
