he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize