Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My pussy is not your playground.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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