just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
