We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
